Fi has started kindergarten this week, leading to 3 days of dropping her off at the bus. I'm sure that will get old sometime, but it's still fun to walk her to her stop. (Lachlan hasn't been in LOVE with his sister getting to do something he can't, but for whatever reason the driver wouldn't take him too. Even though I offered her $0.50 in dimes.)

He's been pretty adorkable himself recently, tho. Putting him to bed the past few nights I've been telling him a story. The first night as he was crying for Mommy, I went ahead and told him all the things that Mommy was doing (walking through the woods, going up Up UP a hill, going down Down DOWN a hill, crossing a stream.... you know, the basics.) That worked pretty well -> he passed out 2 minutes into this riveting tale. Last night, however, things went a little differently:

Me, thinking there was some way I could stretch my storytelling muscles: "Once upon a time, there was a pirate captain named Lachlan, and he was on a boat, sailing across the water."
L: "No no no, MOMMY was mumble mumble!"
Me, incredulously: "MOMMY was sailing?"
L: "YEAH!"
Me, resignedly: "OK, MOMMY was sailing, and she landed on a beach. She walked through the woods, and saw a bear. She said 'Hello, Bear!'"
L: "No no no, she mumble mumble MOMMY!"

Me, to confirm: "She said 'Hello MOMMY?'"

L: "YEAH!"

Me, dryly: "....Mommy said hello mommy."
L: "YEAH!"
Me, fingers crossed: "OK. Mommy said Hello mommy. Then Mommy saw a rabbit."
L: "No no no, she mumble mumble a MOMMY!"
Me: "..... Mommy saw a MOMMY?"
L: "YEAH!"
Me. seeing the logical ending to this pattern: "OK. Mommy saw mommy walking through the woods."
L: "No no no! Mommy mumble through the mommy!"
Me: "..... Mommy walked through the mommy?
L: "YEA-No no NO! Mumble mumble mommy!"
Me, willing to compromise my artistic vision: "..... Mommy mommy through the mommy."

L: "YEAH!"

Me, ready for bed myself at this point: "..... Mommy mommy through the mommy." 

Two senior moments and a fun math coincidence

Derp the First: The first day of the most recent snowstorm, LN came to me after a walk and told me that her phone had stopped working. She didn't remember dropping it, but the screen was a lot more cracked than it should have been. It also seemed as though it had reset itself, with the last calls recorded made back in May. No calls or texts would go out or come in, and it wouldn't even connect to the Wifi. It was a dead parrot. I spent a fair amount of (unsuccessful) time on the phone with tech support, and eventually even they threw their hands in their air in surrender. I found it strange that the 16 gig micro-SD had disappeared, but assumed it had fallen out when the phone was (obviously) dropped. They volunteered to send a replacement phone, as long as we sent back the other (non-functional) phone.  So we waited for that to arrive in the snow-slowed mail. At least, we did until I went into the garage, and discovered that the phone we were trying to make work was her OLD phone, which we had replaced in, say -> May of last year? LN's main comment: "Ah - that's why it looked so familiar." My thought: "I *knew* that she had a Samsung, and that the LG was weird."

Item the second. Took Fi down to Galloway to meet with potential preschool teachers Saturday AM. Our plans to go get lunch with a friend of LN were derailed when LN's keys went missing. Kids were already in the carseat, so we left them there with snacks as we emptied her car. We spent about 45 minutes looking for them at the school, then drove home and back to get the spares (one of which will be in the other car from now on, believe you me.) Got back, spent another 15 fruitless minutes looking for them, then headed home. I even lifted the carseat out, on the off chance that the baby carrier had eaten them. Turns out I should have lifted the BABY out -> apparently Baby Brother spent about 2 hours keeping Mommy's keys warm with his butt. Good news -> we found them. Bad news: covered in Cheerios and masticated Veggie straws.

Lighter note: Got a digital scale to find out how much weight I'm not losing. Nice thing is it allows me to figure out how big the kids are. So Lach is 22 pounds, and Fi is 33. That's 55 pounds of kids we're responsible for. Whoa. (i know that gets LN right in her Eleven-loving heart.)

Three kid vignettes

Story the first: six year old asks his mom "how many zeros in onefinity?" I answered "just start writing them... I'll tell you when to stop."
Sean: "Nope, not there yet."

Story the second: while putting Fi to bed, she told her mom a story.
"Once upon a time,
there was a monster."
"Yes?"
"But he was a friend."

Story the third: putting Fi down again, lights out. As LN tries to sneak out, Fi gently cups her mom's face in her hands, bringing Mommy's face closer. Fiona then whispered "I want you to be safe," as she stuck her pinky fingers into Ellen's ears. Apparently she didn't shriek, but it was a close call.

"Still not there; keep adding zeros"

Felt a little like Law & Order: Laundry Mountain

Just a normal day, folding the past month's worth of clean laundry.

 Sorting through socks, when wait -> what's that?

 Could that be....

Yup -> someone dumped a dead baby doll where it would never be seen again.

Guess they thought it would be...humerus

#SUNGLASSES.

Old medical switcheroo

We ended up getting baby Lachlan home on New Year's Eve, and had his first regular checkup 2 days later. I remembered the first few rounds of Fi's doctor's visits, with vaccinations and occasion bloodwork, and felt a little bad for him. I mean, he's right out of the womb, and has all those shots? Unfair!
Apparently the doctors agreed with me, as the standards don't have any shots til about the 2-3 month point. I was happy for the little guy, until they looked closer at *my* history, and determined I needed a pertussis booster. Will recommend the pediatric nurses for shots, tho -> didn't even feel it go in.
TL:DR Took my newborn to the doctor, and ended up being the one getting a shot.

So - I found another kid before the end of the year...

Which is fun. As of noon one week ago Friday, I am the parent of 2 beautiful children (or one beautiful kid and one squawking monkey-sheep baby.) Some quick notes about our hospital stay welcoming Lachlan Keith Kilpatrick into the world.

Apparently Isabella is 'the' in name for girls this year, as evidenced from my informal survey of the baby name placards in the hall next to our room. (two out of three were named that.

I would like to make it clear to the world, or that subset of the world that can use Google, at least, that LN's *Uncle* Keith was the baby's namesake (that, and all of the Keith's on that side of the family.) (Sorry, other Keiths who may or may not include her little brother.) This is the uncle, by the by, who bought her a plane ticket to his daughter's wedding, allowing us to "re-meet" cute in New Orleans. And, therefore, bearing a full share of responsibility for this baby boy.

She's started stomping. It's really cute at this age, as she lifts her right calf parallel to the ground, before stamping it down. However, we are trying the 'zero-tolerance' route; please don't laugh, as tempted as you will be. Mom, Jody, and LN; I am talking to YOU. Also to myself.  This is a note to remind me that it didn't really start with the baby in the house, but a week or two earlier.

finally, we've been blessed to have family come to help while LN was on bed rest... My mom was really helpful in helping Fi get ready to have a baby brother. when fi walked into the hospital, she was looking for her friend, Lachlan.

Link'd_LN

Guess it's time - (finally) - to bite the bullet, and get link'd to my wife.

altho - i am a little curious how she ended up a 3rd tier person? We obviously don't work in the same industry, so what Kevin Bacon shenanigans got us that close?

My (first?) less-than-stellar parenting moment

So yesterday Fiona, LN, and I went to one of the parks down by the river. We've been before, but if you HAVE to go outside, it' s hard to beat a beautiful fall day with temps in the 70's. Fiona enjoyed running around, swinging, and, most especially, the slides.

Now, if you don't have kids under 10, you may not have been hanging around kid's playgrounds recently (I hope,) but there have apparently been some major advances in playground technology. After the lawsuit happy 90's, it appears that public spaces have started having huge playground jungle gym'y sorta things, with swings and slides and monkey bars, etc, all built in. While there remain the swings with long enough chains to play 'swing war,' toddler swings have improved: there is the equivalent of a bucket with 4 holes in it (one for each leg?) that you drop the child into. This minimizes the chance of the buckle on the front coming off, and the kid flying off. Advantage: Swing 2000.

Slides in *my* day were long, straight, and metal: think a Papa John's prep table at a 45-degree angle. You generally would climb up to the top of a steep, 10' tall ladder, always keeping 3 points connected to the metal grate The stainless steel provided a smooth sailing for any cloth-covered piece of your body, with one caveat. Any day with direct sunlight allowed the slide to reach a balmy 211 degrees F: almost hot enough to boil water, but easily more than enough to scald your inner thigh. Slides today seem to be both curvy (especially nice for the toddler set, allowing Dad an extra chance or two to catch them on the way down) and HDPE. They still get warm, but not 'fry an egg' hot.

Long story short - Fi loved the slides. I mean LOVED THEM loved them. We tried to make her the responsible one for climbing back up . It seemed that making her do the hard work of gaining all of that potential energy would make the transfer into kinetic that much more rewarding. She did a bunch of that (approx 1.2 kW (kidowatts,)) then got back to her secondary job of moving mulch from one side of the park another.

At this point, Fi was wandering around without really paying attention where she was going. I guess it was about time for her to learn to watch where she was going, so, too late, I saw her walking in FRONT of the bottom of a big-kids slide. Her mom and I both saw what was happening a little too late; Ellen's first thought was apparently "oh no - i don't want that kid who is going to run into my daughter to feel too guilty." And mine was "it's going to happen, but i don't want to watch. I'll just do what i normally do in this situation - close my eyes *&* look away. "

And I did.

Postscript - Fi is alive, but didn't learn anything. Maybe life lessons that feature short-term memory loss aren't the way to go?

bought fee a spires

OK - just got a txt from Mom (stuck at the airport in Cali b/c she missed her flight - but that's another story.) In this text she said (and I quote) "Bought fee a spires."

After much thinkin, i have decided that she was an unsuspecting victim of Autocorrect.

For now, I'm running with the theory that fee = Fi, and she just couldn't get Autocorrect to leave well enough alone. Any idea what she was trying to let me know she got her youngest grandaughter?

Filed under: Things I wish I knew *before* I emptied my freezer at midnight:

Apparently ice makers are not permanent features, and can be removed to defrost.

On the other hand, it was probably almost time to throw away that 6-year-old unopened whipped topping.

Milestones: Final service to cap 43-year career | ajc.com

Milestones: Final service to cap 43-year career | ajc.com

GT Chorale folks who might follow me - please feel free to come to the concert this Sunday at 3 PM, to wish Greg farewell. Murphy may even be there.

Learned my lesson (story is mostly safe for work)

Yesterday was my annual physical, which includes everything from blood tests to turn-your-head-and-cough. About halfway through, it was time to change into the hospital gown, with a sheet covering "down there." The nurse-practitioner came in for her portion, listening to my breathing and heartbeat, and checking my circulation. All normal, until she lifted the sheet and said with a smile something that sounded like "Peanuts."

I furiously thought about what the proper reaction from me should be. Miss Manners had not covered this in her introductory etiquette course covering trips to the doctor. What *does* one say to one's nurse practitioner, who has just made some sort of potentially derogatory statement about one's, shall we say, business? "Hey!" came to mind, but I decided against it. I also rejected "What were you expecting to find down there?" Then I remembered.

Next year, I will not wear my Charlie Brown boxers.

I am a flower, delicate and precious

So - learned about one of my foibles (maybe my only one) this morning - I am not as butch as I think I am. With school starting back up, the household has been going through some scheduling changes. LN has to get up and at 'em in time to feed the baby, walk the dog, shower, and be out the door by 7 AM. She has started out this year by setting her alarm in the fives. [[Side note here - as opposed to Jody, the only times that any grownup in this house has seen a time starting with 5 in the AM are a) after a LONG weekend night of video games, in my wayward youth, or b) at 2:30, looking at the clock in the mirror. ]]

So - Monday morning, I gradually woke up to a teeny tiny stream of light, like what starts to come in at 6:30 (still early, but not RIDICULOUSLY early. ) When LN came back into the bedroom, I asked what time it was, thinking it might be time to get up. "4:30," she replied. Somehow, she had ended up waking herself up at *4* - TOO EARLY. And the stream of light from under the bathroom door, or (as i learned this AM) from the closet, or even reflected down the hall is apparently too much for my pore widdle sweepiness. I find myself unable to get back to the business of sleeping, no matter how tired I may be. It is really just as well we have this acclimatization period before we get our schedules locked in - I might need LN to add tucking me in to her morning schedule.

Example the second: I like being barefoot. I tend to walk about outside, even in summer, with the cool breezes running through the hairs on my big toes. Growing up on Sullivan's Island, I was even able to make it most of the way to the beach in summer with only a few hops from the asphalt to the painted line down the middle of the street (always smoother, and about 20 degrees cooler.) So why is it that twice in the last 2 weeks I have ended up with what I have not-so-affectionately begun to call 'dog hair splinters'?? I mean, it's almost like a needle, poking at ya poking at ya, just making me limp around for no good reason. Hmm - as an example that a) nothing new is under the sun, and b) The Google knows all, at this time there are 415 K links for that search.

So yeah - Long story short, I wanted you all to know I am aware that I am the very model of a manly man. And knowing is half the battle.

Lil' baby, upon her fifth monthiversary

As she sits on my lap, squirming, i think it is a good idea to note some of changes in our little fiona jade's life recently:

Rolling over - she's had the ability for a while now to roll over when mad (or furious, as the case may be.) But this has only recently been updated (with Mom's help, of course) to being able to roll over, more or less regularly, from front to back as well as the converse. We're not talking more than once every five minutes or so, but the frequency of this is only likely to increase, so we are taking it as a win. Bald spot on back of Fi's head - take note; your days are numbered! Bald spot on the back of Daddy's head - not so much. (Plus side :it probably has stopped growing. Negative side: because it's run out of real estate. )

Sleeping - We've been using the Halo Swaddling sleepsacks, and I think it's probably about time for us to upgrade. (they are rated from 6-12 pounds, and at over 13 lbs she's getting tall enough that she has to do froggy pose to sleep thru the night. We tried upgrading her to an arms-free, non-velcroed one night-before-last, and went in an hour later to find her, inconsolable, having rolled over onto her face, in the corner of the crib. So - back to the small sack for now. On the flip side, Daddy was able to handle a night-time cry all by himself (yes, Dug, like a big boy.) I thought it was just a need for a pacifier, but the bottle of water ended up doing the trick. Yay for self-sufficiency, yay for better dentist bills down the road!

Daycare - Today is LN's first day back at work, and, understandably, she's a little stressed and sad. i mean, who *wouldn't* want to get to spend all day with the most cutest and advanced little girl out there? On the other hand - i imagine a certain satisfaction in getting to watch math training and school safety videos instead of Dora the Explora & Yo Gabba Gabba! So anyone out there who sees her, cut her a little slack today. Meanwhile, I've ended up making the bottles, and will be taking Fi to her new weekday home.

Speaking of which- one last bottle for the road, so i must be off!

Happy Groundhog Day!

For me, this link (http://media.gunaxin.com/a-tribute-to-groundhog-days-ned-ryerson/44283) is not just the memory of one of the funnier movies I've ever seen. It's also the 3 year anniversary of one of the best decisions I ever made.

http://seannibal.blogspot.com/2007/02/new-orleans-day-one.html

Thanks again for gettin' hitched, kayraygee.

Elf on a Shelf - 2 thumbs up!

Co-worker just told me of a holiday purchase gone horribly awry; thought I would tell you all about it.

She purchased the above product, for use with her 5-year-old son. There are directions for the parents (place the elf on a shelf, and leave the book around. Then, whichever one the child sees first, you help them find the other, so that you can read the book together.) The book tells the story of the elf, who has been sent by Santa(!) to watch the child, and report back(!!) every night(!!!!) As described by my coworker, "The elf has this creepy little smile, that wasn't evident with the original purchase. Even *I* started to think this guy was reporting on me."

"As I read the book to C. (her son,) his face paled, and his eyes kept getting bigger and bigger. He would take furtive glances over at the elf, wondering if its omnipresent gaze, judgemental and stern, was still there. (It always was. Omnipresent, you know.) I began to wonder if this was too much, too fast - but there was no backing out now. I feared that if the elf simply disappeared, C. would believe that it had gone back to report to the big guy himself that C. was a lost cause. Alternatively, perhaps he would decide a fairy restraining order wouldn't be worth the trouble, and turn into a Santa agnostic years before his peers. What had started out as a cute idea about a new Christmas tradition had morphed into a smirking self-evident superego, looking disapproving at my preschooler. I'm still not sure if he got any sleep last night."

From an Amazon review:

"I work in a store that sells 'Elf on the Shelf'. There is an accompanying video, which has a song: "Elf on the Shelf is watching you, what you say and what you do. Elf on the Shelf is judging you, each and every Christmas."

I love this product, and am repelled at the same time. . The true sense of fear, never knowing when this creepy little plastic stalker is watching - i foresee a day when I would place him on a shelf in the bathroom to frighten Nugget. Or LN. I imagine potty training will go beautifully in that case.

PS - I might have taken a LITTLE literary license with my co-worker's story. Also, alliteration.

PPS - edited to correct silly spelling errors.

OK - I cried a little in the middle.

Fresh Air interview with Tracy Morgan - it's both funny, and real. (hopefully the embedded link works - if not, click the title above.)

Or, you might have to click thru to tracy morgan link.

The Referendum

OK - this quote made me break my self-imposed blog-a-torium.

"I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life. [Note to friends with children: I am referring to other people’s children, not to yours.]"

We'll see if i'm back here soon, with more better news.

A Fox news chatbot passes the Turing test. - By Timothy Noah - Slate Magazine#p2#p2

Chatterbox - i have loved you a long time - but this, your informative whirlwind tour through the history of both AI and right wing blowhards have really made my day. Tip of the hat, indeed.

Sean's Hawaii Trip - Day 2.

OK - this is the second (and, as it turns out, FINAL) verbal history of my work trip to Hawaii. I am not sure why I stopped being verbal at this point, but do know that I did take a boatload of pictures. Those will be uploaded anon. Or, possibly, day after anon.

2/8/09

OK – here’s a picture of my day.

Um. Here's a VERBAL picture of my day. Started off a little slowly. Sandy had asked me to give her a call when I got moving in the AM, and I did. Was pleasantly surprised to wake up, sans alarm, at 6:58 AM. Yay, for getting rid of jet lag. I asked her if she wanted to do the breakfast buffet at the hotel (I have a deal for 16 bucks, which I think that I will take advantage of. At some point.) But she said, no, lunch at a local hang-out, which sounded like exactly what I was hoping for. That meant no breakfast for me – so it was back to the ABC. (of which there are at least 20 in my neck of the woods.) So, for breakfast, I ended up having something deLICIOUS. OK, not really THAT delicious. But the fresh pineapple and spam musabi. They DO love their spam.

See photo documtation below:

(ASIDE) OK – weird video on the telly. It’s a Dave Matthews video, where a brunette Julia Roberts with dreds is getting chased by a faceless guy. And Dave is creepily watching her. And many black guys are helpful to her, including at least one without a shirt making her breakfast. That seems very unsanitary. Especially if he is cooking bacon. OUCHOUCHOUCH

(UN-ASIDE) Went down to the hot tub about eight thirty. There were a bunch of couples there, two middle aged couples from Montana, three army looking kids (ok, maybe they were early 20’s) with Japanese girlfriends, and one older middle-age drunk guy. When the Japanese girls got back, the drunk guy completely tried to hit on them. And I am really surprised that the guys didn’t just kick his ass. But they eventually left, and, after telling us all how lucky we were, he left. And then went down to the pool. And stripped out of his suit. In front of the four middle school cheerleaders in the pool. Stay classy, drunky-drunk – stay classy.

There was a navy lady in town for a Conference, as well; conference topic was updating naval procedures. Or something. She seemed nice, and was from Virginia Beach – we’ll see if we see her again.

Very tired now – see ya in the AM

Spoiler alert - we didn't see her again.