Saturday, July 30, 2005

Random Musings From My Trip to the Beach...

... will come later. Right now, I want to complain about my hiccups.

Oh, Lorda Mercy. I don't think that I have ever had hiccups as long as I have right now. Jeebus. {hic}I started to put in a {hic}hic {hic}{hic}{hic}every ti{hic}me that I hicc{hic}up.


Anyway - it started about {hic}9 PM last night, as {hic}we were leaving Putt-putt {hic}(a family tradition {hic}at Panama City Beach.) {hic}It continued at {hic}least 4 hours, un{hic}til I was asleep, with my {hic}sleep apnea {hic}machine on. 10{hic} minutes after I went {hic}to bed, laying {hic}down, trying to {hic}get them to leave via sheer will power, they stopped. {hic}
They were {hic}gone when I {hic}woke up, {hic}but returned around {hic}9 AM this morning. I re{hic}ally don't know if I {hic}woke {hic}myself up with them or not, but I do know that I wirsh that {hic}I didn't have them. {hic}
BOOGER - this SUXORS. {hic}Anyhoo - being away from my {hic}computer - nay, *all* {hic}Interweb {hic}access, I went ahead {hic}and did what I always do in this situation. {hic}Call Ever{hic}Babe. {hic}And found out that she's been {hic}plague-ridden her{hic}self this week. {hic}. {hic}. But luckily she had enough {hic}{hic}stamina to go the the Webernet and lo{hic}ok up hiccups, cure of. {hic}Which she did. Spoonful of sugar. {hic} Hold breath until I pass out. {hic} Breathe into a paper bag. {hic} Well, haven't done that yet.{hic} Still mig{hic}ht. {hic}Man.
According to WebMD,{hic}though, the answer in most home remedies lies in {hic} increasing the carbon dioxide {hic} in the blood. {hic} Which makes sense {hic} for everything but the {hic} the sugar. {hic} I am going to try the holding of {hic}my breath right now to see {hic} how it does. {hic} That's {hic} VERY HARD TO DO{hic}.

So, when I got {hic}to the {hic} hotel tonight, I went ahead{hic} and looked it up on the {hic}Webatron. On WebMD. {hic} Click here if you are curious. {hic}{hic} I learned that if they last {hic} another day, they are {hic} Persistant hiccups. {hic} Then they turn into {hic} Intractable {hic} hiccups. {hic} Those can be a sign of {hic}a central nervous disorder{hic}, or mental pro{hic}blems. Make your {hic} own jokes there. {hic}

I'm gonna s{hic}top complaining, and{hic} hit the road. {hic} I'll fill you in {hic} later. {hic}
PS - as of midnight, they went away. Although they tried to sneak back in this morning, I think I took care of them. I went ahead and edited to fix spelling errors this morning.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

the Erudite Baboon: I think I need to reconsider my priorities

So: I'm not sure whether or not I told you about Beaver & Steve. It's pretty funny, if updated just a couple of times a week. Turns out the author is British (and actually was at the Stockwell station before the guy there got shot yesterday.) He also has a few blogs (that are VERY funny, OnlyAymie) and there's this one story that - well, let me just say to click on the title of this post.

But don't do it at work - or while eating a sammich.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Click for comix

I wish this whole comic didn't relate so perfectly to me, trendy hips and all.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Pick up some chicks?!?

So tonight, Sneezey (or LoudBobby, as he's asked to be called) said: hey, let's drink a lot, as this is your last night on the job here in Southern Illinois. OK, I said. Cause I am easy that way. So we started at the Hampton Inn (his hotel - free drinks from 5 - 6:30.) [weird reality interlude - girl in bikini just walked by - too young, but hey - I hear that hell is nice this time of year.] He has a couple, I have a couple, then we head over to the the THREE FREE DRINKS A NIGHT INN I'm staying at - and split those. Then we head to the first of three bar/restaurants that were recommended to him by the cute girl working at the Hampton; 17th Street BBQ, Applebee's, and O'Charley's. (As you can probably tell, this is not a real 'homegrown' kind of town. Generica(Tm) Forever!)
So: we walked to the 17 Street, and had a beer: total sausage fest. Applebee's: the same. So I;'m like: let's check out the pool at Hampton, and call it a night. And LB's like: no no no, let's hit O'Charley's. CuteGirl said it, so it must be so. And I'm like, wouldn't you rather hit on CuteGirl at Hampton - no walking! And he's like ... well, I don't remember, but it must have been convincing, cause there I was, walking though a field to O'Charley's. {psigh} (Did I mention I was in middle of nowhere Illinois? And had been drinking?)
ANYhoo - long story short, I'm walking. And walking. And walking. As we approach the restaurant (after about 152 miles of walking,) I brush a bug from my arm. Only it doesn't brush. Oh; a tick. Gross. I give it the flick-to-oblivion and say to LoudBobby "Tick." He laughs a little, and we enter the restaurant. COMPLETE sausage fest - 1 girl, 9 guys. As LoudBobby said: Ratio like Georgia Tech. Heh. He orders a beer, I try to stay upright on a stool while drinking my water. Time passes. He gets a wierd look on his face as he brushes his leg. "Oh - I thought you were kidding."
"Nope." say I. He disposes of it in the bathroom, as do I with the one I find on my arm 10 minutes later. Grosser. I figure I either had 3 ticks on me, or one VERY determined, Terminator(TM) like one. I give LoudBobby some shit. He takes it well. We leave, only to be rained on. I look at LoudBobby. "What!?!" "Uh huh..." I reply.

Pick up chicks, pick up ticks. He was close. ;-) It was a good day.

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Boy(s) Who Cried Wolf

Wha wha WHERE to begin?

First of all - I'm back in Southern Illinois. Yes yes yes, I know - It was here that I started my more... *introspective* blog entries... but that is all a thing of the past. All is different in my life, with much less angst: no more A., that is true, but just knowing where things stand make it all much better. (editors note: upon reflection, the angst is still there. Just wanted you, faithful reader, to know that I was able to identify my BS.

Anywhay - In my favorite inn in Marion, Illinois. THREE FREE DRINKS A NIGHT INN Have a co-worker (my favorite man-crush... we'll call him Sneezey.) Told him about the aforementioned THREE FREE DRINKS, but he decided to get his safe Hampton Inn Delta Skymiles. All to his deteriment.

After a meeting with the subcontractor (also staying at the THREE FREE DRINKS A NIGHT INN) Sneezey headed back to his hotel (across the parking lot) I went up to my room, and got a call from my cousin (don't remember what I called her last time - could have been Princess? Or Precious? Or - eh, just run with the girl cousin; should be enough information.) ANYhoo, talked with her downstairs, as the sky opened up. Was glad to see that the desk clerk who was the spitting image of Holly from college was there. Best thing is that Cindy apparently knows my name too, but hey - I've been staying at the THREE FREE DRINKS A NIGHT INN for quite some time now, so they SHOULD know me. Earlier today the sub (who, in keeping with my dwarfian naming convention, I'll call Grumpy,) told me that she just celebrated a birthday. Her 21st. Ouch. But, that's neither here nor there.

So, since it had just started raining, and I didn't want to get wet, I decided against going outside. I did, however, bring my bathing suit; so I decided to go down to the pool and swim a (short) lap or two. (I fully recognize the irony here.) I checked the hours, saw I had another 30 minutes, and changed into my suit. I figured what with vacation next week, I'd go ahead and get used to people mocking my figure. You see, it's not that I am not in shape; I most definitely am. It just that, well... the shape that I am in is round. (BA-dump-dump)

As well, I decided against wearing my glasses, which has a twofold effect; number one, I can't see; number two - my life is a lot more pleasant. If blurry. You see, without one's glasses, one has plausible deniability for the looks of disgust that probably are coming for this round guy rolling into the pool. Another advantage - all the girls you see are pretty. At least potentially. And a fair amount of them are topless. Unless those are hippy boys, but again - plausible deniability.

Got to the pool. In the hot tub were two pretty blondes (at least potentially) and thin guy - MASSIVE farmer's tan, pale chest. (Even without the glasses, the glare was blinding. {grin}) So, I jumped in the pool, did baby laps, then nonchalantly squinted my way to the hot tub. And got in. To the sounds of silence.

Well, the sounds of white noise bubbles, anyway. {BUBBLEBUBBLEBUBBLE} They appeared to be waiting for something, I didn't know what. I squinted politely, and sat in the water. They looked around, nervously, nonchalantly, with flair: *I* couldn't tell. I looked in various directions, realizing only too late that it was impossible for me to look at the ladies and know if they were looking at me looking at them. Which really means it's not safe to look at them at all. So you look out the window, and realize that's not really a window, it's really a wall. So you feel like an idiot, and slowly turn your head. And realize that you haven't said anything to anybody, and now they think that you are a stalker. But really you are just enjoying the bubbles, even if they have made your suit fill with air in an embarrassing location. And realize that they haven't said anything to YOU either, and now it's just an embarassing farce the likes of which Mr Bean would be proud.

Then the cute blonde in the black string bikini says "You here for the class?" But what I hear is "MMm Mmmmm m mm mMM?" Bubbles, you know. And I say: "What?" She repeats, and I say 'Which class?" And she goes "What?" Still the bubbles. (assume that every question and answer from here on out had at least one set of WHAT? and Ohhhhh.'s )

She answered "Meth" and I said "Beth," thinking that she had given me *her* name
instead of the class name, and that was darn easy. And then she said "Methamphetamines." and I thought that was a funny name. And then Pink flower string bikini said "We learned how to make meth today in class." which is something I didn't realize they had classes for. But no, they were learning how to deal with meth addicts, and as a bonus they learned how to make meth. I asked where they were from, and they told me. Mrmemmemr, IL. Or IN. It's on the border.

Then to PaleGuy, BlackSuit says: "where ARE they?" Long story short, they sent out two of their buddies to get beer in their car one and a half hours previously. And still no word; at least no word since they called saying they had hit a culvert, and where was the insurance card. But these guys were jokers, and played inappropriate pranks at work all the time, so my crew (finishing off the beer here, and getting more and more irked,) was pretty sure that Manny and Mo were in a bar. In the county car. Which was a no-no. Especially after the previous night, when shennanigans had ensued. So Flowers, BlackSuit, and PaleGuy were getting more and more irritated, and trying to track them down. Checking their room (no luck) Calling their cells (no answer,) even paging them. Finally PaleGuy had had enough - he called the police to see if there had really been an accident. To hell with them; if they got pulled over as a result of his call (and drinking was involved) then so be it.

Then they walked in, just when PaleGuy got the call from the sherriff's dept confirming the accident. Oops. All that energy wasted on cussin their names, SURE that they had found a good bar. And they really *had* hit a culvert, avoiding someone in the rain. Worst thing - they didn't have the beer.

About then Cindy showed up, booting us out of the pool area. She had let us stay an extra 30 minutes, possibly because of me. As she said to me later, paraphrasing, "it's not often that you're sharing the hot tub with people WORTH sharing it with."

So, long story short: did I get a name, number, or some other form of ID? No, of course not. Except for my new friend Meth. But I did get to spend an hour in the hot tub with two (potentially) pretty blondes from MememMMer, IL, and then write a RIDICULOUSLY long blog entry. So that makes it a nice night.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Mom just called. Wasn't sure she was going to enjoy the concert to which she was going: LL Kool J and the Gang.

The questions brought up by this are myriad, and I leave them as an exercise for the reader. BUT - Mom did come to my company picnic a few yeara ago at Stone Mountain, and Kool & the Gang were performing - caused a tremendous traffic jam. More popular than one would expect.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

This is a gift to EverBabe - please don't take your life. It's not worth dyin' over an urban exaggeration. (Won't call it a myth, cause it's undetermined. Urban Legends Reference Pages: Photo Gallery (Brown Recluse)
Multiple fun things:

EverBabe - I know it's not going to make you want to *date* them, but they're not gonna kill you. However, If you can see his eyes, you are WAY too close. {shudder}

From our software instructor, a very nice fellow from London, who has just returned from Thailand with his girlfriend. (And what happens in Bankok, stays in Bankok.) He mentioned that he used a lot of DEET, because "I'd rather my skin fall off than get Malaria." Heh. Too true.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Wowza - friend of mine mentioned in the pre-bombing front page artivle at the local paper! You guy, big guy!World needs your ideas? Podcasting to the rescue! |

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

A comic for all of the ladies in my life (both work and personal) who just keep on breedin. And who watch Star Wars. The B-Movie Comic

Friday, July 01, 2005

Heh heh... classic SNL ad. (we miss your voiceovers, Phil)
I don't know if I can continue to blame Ebay. After all, i continued to visit the site, and make my bids. So: if anyone want to come over and sing for almost one full work week - I have the goods.
eBay item 5784503778 (Ends Jun-30-05 16:00:00 PDT) - KARAOKE Music 27 CDG disc over 500 Song HITS - MEGAPACK